i have kept this secret for far too long
i know i should be honest with both you and myself
but how will you take it?
what will you think of me?
you are so delicate and contained....
yet your intelligence makes you strong...
it makes me swoon
i think you are the greatest
and
you
don't
even
know
it.....or maybe you do and you don't care...
what will it take for you to care?
for you, i can give completely 100% of me.
change..my.whole.life.
or will i?
is this a phase that i am going through?
only time will tell--
so until then..until you realize that i am what you need.
i will admire you.
from.afar.

(C) 2007. L. Tatum

the weekend has been nice.
well spent with a good friend.

there's a guy i like. it's such a puppy love high school crush type feeling. he makes me laugh and act goofier than i already do. modern society says, "TELL HIM!"
however my traditional values dictate that i just pray about it and wait for him to pursue me :(
my problem with that is HOW WILL HE KNOW I AM INTERESTED????????/

uhm..yeah...today was an interesting day.
i found another piece that i wrote a long time ago.
it truly truly describes the way.i.feel.right.now.

i will post it later.

i was cleaning up my guest room and i found some poetics that i wrote some time ago.
when i read them, you would have thought that i just wrote them yesterday.
the pastor on Sunday said that you know when you are ready to marry when the person in your head, heart, and hand are one in the same.
my pastor teaches women to stay in their place and let the man pursue us. that's soooo hard, because the one i have my eye on, makes my heart beat fast..something no one else has EVER accomplished. i have him in my head and in my heart and i pray pray pray that God will put him in my hand.....we've hung out a few times in a group of others, so hopefully he notices my intent gaze at him....

but yeah...back to the poetics.

Subtle thoughts
Subtle smiles
A passing glance
Meeting of the eyes
Subtle wants
Subtle desires
An obvious connection
But broken affection

So yeah...the last time I was here, wow...I was on some depressed type stuff.
I found out that I had Breast Cancer in November 2006.
Scared the crap out of me. I mean, I love my boobs, and I just didn't understand how one could be "sick."
I am 8 months after my diagnosis. I feel fine. It's weird, because I never got sick. I mean, not really sick like you see folks on TV, I just had small situations where I just didn't feel like myself. My hair fell out and my fingernails turned and icky black, but other than the psychological stress, I have done well. I thank God for that.
I reflect back to the first weekend after my diagnosis. I went to Mississippi that weekend to hang out with the Blue and White family at the Capital City Classic (my beloved Jackson State vs. Alcorn State). In the airport that Sunday morning waiting for my return flight to Austin, I started thinking about what song I would choose for the situation. (Remember, you always need a song for the situation...it can be the same song or a different song.) For cancer, I chose, "We've Come This Far by Faith."
"We've come this far by faith.....leaning on the Lord.....trusting in His Holy Word...He's never failed me yet.....Ohhhh Ohhh Ohhh Ohhhh Ohhhh Oh, can't turned around, we've come this far by faith." That is the song that has got me through because in all that has gone on in my life, He has never failed me, and I thank Him over and over for that.